THE YEAR THAT WAS, IS, and WILL BE

at the onset of the year 2010, i remember saying "2010 will be better". now that it has ended, i guess i can safely say it was indeed better. so much better.

:: year-end of 2009, jlo, earl, and i, survived the non-pedestrian streets of ho chi minh; lazied at mekong delta river; and relived the war days of Viet Cong guerrillas at cu chi tunnel.

:: it was january when i reached my first peak - Gunung Rembau. YEAH!!!

:: and then i conquered Kota Kinabalu. ehem. *wooot!*

:: march wasn't really part of the better months of 2010. a pseudo relationship has ended and when something ends, doesn't it make you sad? it does. and when you're sad, what better thing to do than get away, right? so i did. and i found solace in caramoan islands with the company of my friends, of course.

:: i ran my first marathon in april and then ran a couple more 10KM's since then.

:: i volunteered to teach english to kids from Myanmar but stopped after a few sessions. tsk. i hope i can find time to go back there for it's really fun to be around kids.

:: it was july when i found my happy place (a.k.a BALI) :D



:: who would have thought getting a year older can be uber fun? my 26th birthday was a blast thanks to my MY friends

:: for reasons which i now think are really trivial, i left Scope International. but despite its pettiness, i don't really regret that decision. sure, i do miss the people and the work there and the feeling of actually knowing what you're doing, but i needed a fresh a start and i'm getting it now. i admit it isn't much of a better choice, then again, there's no night support - that would do for now.

:: september is love because of den. and den is love because he's mine. *yikee!*

:: then there was the evolution of hair. ha ha!

:: arrivals and departures don't only happen in airports, it does in our lives as well. in my case, it's in the form of friends. several of them have decided to leave MY for good. that means lesser people to hang out with, talk to, go on trips with, and have inuman sessions with. deng. now, i catch a glimpse of new faces here and there, some i've formally met and became friends with. and although they could never replace those who left, i am looking forward to getting to know- and spending time with- the new friends i've made. i wish we could all find time to get together - both old and new MY people.

:: the year 2011 did not start out great because my grandfather passed away but a part of me is thankful for i know that he's in a better place now where he's not in pain and more importantly, with nanay.

:: there's so much to say about NOW, but simply put, i'd say it's blissful and blessed. and i have Him to thank for that, diba Lord dudePareKoTsong? ;)

:: this year, i have Phuket and Hong Kong to look forward to. wheeee!

:: then i have this super size me project plus i need to do some serious thinking about my career. which do you think should i prioritize? hmmm... ha ha!

2010 was great but 2011 will be even better. i'd make sure of that. and if you're reading this post, i know you were part of my 2010 (and maybe the years before), so thanks! :) come and have a tremendous 2011 with me.

DEN

you were the guy who seldom talked to me whenever we're around other people

..the guy who thought of me as a distraction (watda!)

you were my "accomplice" in one of my go-gaga-over-a-frog" [mis]adventures

and the guy who made fun of me over "mr. disappointed"

you were the guy who remembered i needed new earphones

..the guy who, surprisingly, can recall details/moments about us which i have deemed insignifcant or simply forgotten

you were the guy who always wanted to tag along

and the guy who claimed he was one of the kids i had fun with

you are the guy who never fails to say "thank you" even for the littlest of things

.. the guy who misses me just right after spending the entire day together

you are the guy who often trips over himself (sheesh! clumsy)

and the guy who laughs out loud at any amusing thing i say

you are the guy who made adjustments on his "friendly" meter because you know i'm the jealous type

..the guy who wants to beat me at almost anything but never does (ha ha ha! beh! *yabang*)

you are the guy who cooks for me (a good one, at that) and the guy who keeps reminding me to eat a lot time and again

you are the guy i fight but who doesn't fight back (well, atleast not yet.. ha! subukan mo lang! hehehe)

and the poor victim of my mood swings, rants, and petty issues

you are the guy who stops when i say you're being too makulit

...the guy who says sorry and actually knows what he's apologizing for

you are the guy i won't assure anything of nor make promises to..

but you will be the guy i'd conspire with to make "US" work out for as long as we both want to

happy first of many months! :D

YIKEEE!!!!

hahahaha! high school???

3 dots! ;)

COPY - PASTE

there are tons of things i'd like to write about, so many things that i don't even know what to write first. ha ha!

i browsed my old posts in facebook hoping to get some idea on how to put down in writing every nagging thought i have, but instead i found myself LMAO at some of the things i wrote before. deng. i am emo. hahaha!

i wasn't inspired by any of those notes but i did find some stuff worth re-posting.. :)

SARBEY

WHAT IF SOMEONE INSULTS YOU AND TELLS YOU THIS

1. Ang arte mo!

:: pr0ud 0f it, dear

2. Mas matalino naman ako sayo.

:: oooh.. eh bakit nandyan ka lang at nandit0 ak0???

3. Crush ako ng ex mo.

:: ex is the operative word.. s0, keber.

4. Am bobo mo pala sa History!

:: wh0 cares? i can predict the future.. and guess what? y0u're n0t there.. ha!

5. Bilisan mo naman!

:: eh kung bagalan m0 kaya n0h

6.Ang sungit mo!

:: *silence* taas lang ng kilay

7. Gusto mo ng away?

:: actually, kahit sa mga aawayin eh may taste ak0.. t0o bad, kahit sa ganun level di ka pasad0..

8. Takot ka ata sakin eh?

:: eh hija, tumingin ka na ba sa salamin recently? cn0 ba naman di matatak0t sa ganyang itsura..

9. Mas mahal niya ko!

:: pansin k0 nga.. di nya nga k0 magawang layuan eh.. :P

10. Ambababa naman ng grades mo!

:: ang baba naman ng standards ng sch0ol m0

WHAT IF SINABI SAYO ITO NG CRUSH MO?

1. Crush kita.

:: crush lang? ch0z! mahal m0 k0 eh

2.Di kita mahal.

:: SINUNGALING!

3. Mahal na kita.

:: salamat naman at namulat ka na sa kat0t0hanan

4. Pakopya naman ng assignment.

:: kiss muna! haha!!!

5. Crush ko yung friend mo.

:: crush nya ung bestfriend m0.. bagay kay0.. pareh0 alang taste.

6. Pwede patabi sa upuan mo?

:: kand0ng na lang ak0 say0.. ahihihi

7. Cute mo magsmile.

:: cute din ak0 sumimang0t..

KAPAG PARENTS MO ANG NAGSABI SAYO NITO?

1. Umuwi ka ng maaga.

:: kelan??? hehe

2. Magaling ka pala sumayaw?

:: aha! huli ka! nag disc0 ka din?!

3. Hindi ka pwedeng pumasok sa klase.

:: ok.. penge pa din ng ba0n.. :)

4. Bawal ka maggirlfriend/boyfriend.

:: wushu! ala naman kay0 nagawa nung nagkar0on ak0 n bf eh..

5. Bakit ba mainit ulo mo?

:: nagtan0ng pa kay0. hmpf!

6. Bakit ngayon ka lang?

:: buti nga umuwi pa k0 eh.. ;p

7. Bakit ang baba ng grades mo?

:: mali kasi sag0t nung katabi k0.. pagalitan ny0 nga... sheesh

***

RIGHT KIND OF WRONG

it's just like breaking the rules, sm0king, 0r even as simple as eating t0o much ch0c0late. y0u kn0w it's bad f0r y0u but then y0u d0 it again - g0 against the n0rm; light an0ther stick; crave f0r m0re sweets.

because s0meh0w, y0u kn0w that the c0nsequences are n0thing c0mpared t0 the sense 0f euph0ria that engulfs y0u with each (mis)adventure, each puff, each bite.

i kn0w because i'm 0n that very page n0w.

n0 matter h0w certain i am that my chances are s0 far 0ff and that this is actually g0ing n0where, i'm still here - n0t wanting t0 m0ve an inch. just stay here.

why?

it's simple, really.

i'm happy. even f0r just a fleeting m0ment, I AM HAPPY.

s0 wh0 cares if it's wr0ng when it feels s0 right, right?

***

POV

0N BEING RIGHT...

... i seri0usly think it isn't always necessary t0 be right. h0w d0 y0u kn0w what's right 0r wr0ng in the first place? just because s0mething d0esn't g0 with the n0rm means it's wr0ng. it may n0t be right f0r n0w, but wh0 kn0ws what it will be in time? i'm just saying..

ON THE FUTURE...

...it's overrated. i swear. pe0ple w0rry t0o much ab0ut it - what will we d0? what will happen? what WILL..." sucks. all we d0 is plan, plan, plan.. and if things d0n't turn 0ut the way we planned, we get frustrated? s0 what's the p0int in all that? why can't everything be just sp0ntane0us.. sp0ntane0usly planned. HA HA!

ON THE INEVITABLE

... if it's b0und t0 happen, it will happen.

ON CHOICES and CHOOSING

...i've said this bef0re and i'll say it again : life is g0od cause it gives us ch0ices. but then it c0mpels us t0 make 0ne. what and h0w we ch0ose is 0ne thing.. living up t0 our ch0ice is an0ther.

ON WHAT'S FAIR

...n0things is.

ON WHAT'S UNFAIR

...n0w, this, is relative.

ON WHAT's, HOW's, and WHY's

...it's funny h0w we ask such questi0ns even th0ugh we are well aware 0f the answers. even funnier is h0w we never run 0ut 0f such. after 0ne is answered, one after an0ther again arises. but here's the thing, it's always best to answer every WHAT, HOW, and WHY truthfully - with n0 sugarc0ating t0 s0ften the bl0w.

ON FACADES and GETTING BY EACH DAY

...n0 matter h0w c0nvincingly y0u think y0u exude the "i'm d0ing just fine" facade, traces 0f h0w y0u really feel will betray y0u.

ON HAPPINESS

...can't really say much. the 0nly kind i kn0w 0f is fleeting.

***

JUST ANOTHER HOW TO... FOR DUMMIES

this n0te is inspired by diana marie.. hehe! thanks di f0r all0wing me t0 make my 0wn versi0n.. ;p

HOW TO MAKE JK GO GAGA OVER YOU

:: take time t0 get t0 kn0w her

:: spend h0urs talking t0 her.. ab0ut anything and everything... but m0st specially ab0ut th0ughts 0r feelings y0u d0n't n0rmally share with 0thers

:: make her laugh - fr0m flirty, demure giggles t0 laughing her ass 0ff kind 0f laugh

:: sh0w her the real y0u.. n0 pretensi0ns; n0 facades.. just y0u

:: fl0wers. yes.. fl0wers.. [all] girls are flattered when they get fl0wers, right girls?

:: she's a family pers0n and values friendship as well. it's imp0rtant f0r her that the pe0ple she care ab0ut get al0ng with each 0ther. get t0 kn0w her family and friends as well.

:: take her 0ut on dates. fancy 0nes are ok, 0fc0urse.. but she's fine with street f00ds, a game 0f billiards, arcade, mall h0pping, 0r m0vie dates.

:: watch sunsets with her

:: g0 star gazing

:: take her 0ut 0n r0ad trips... bring her s0mewhere far 0r settle f0r j0y rides

:: enj0y breathtaking views with her

:: write her n0tes

:: share her passi0n f0r music. listen with her. sing with her. sing f0r her.

:: all0w her t0 speak her mind when she wants t0 and keep her silence when she can't v0ice 0ut

:: read her bl0g. s0mtimes it's helpful t0 read between the lines.

:: d0n't ign0re her

:: listen t0 her whines

:: give her the time and attenti0n she s0 deserves

:: kn0w when her "n0" actually means "yes" and her "yes" means "n0" (ha ha!)

:: ask her t0 dance. yes.. the pr0m-sl0w-music kind 0f dance. she d0esn't care where just as l0ng as the music is right...

.... there. simple, right? the list c0uld g0 on and 0n.. but i'd leave it t0 y0u t0 figure it 0ut. c'm0n.. u still have t0 exert s0me eff0rt and must have y0ur 0wn way t0 w0o her.

n0w, let's g0 t0 the slightly harder part.

making me fall is 0ne thing.. making me stay inl0ve is an0ther.

HOW TO KEEP JK

:: make her feel secured

:: put up with her m0od swings

:: try new things with her

:: d0n't lie t0 her t0 make her feel better

:: as much as p0ssible, settle arguements with her bef0re the day ends

:: snuggle. laze ar0und and str0ke her hair.

:: kiss her 0n the f0rehead fr0m time t0 time... n0t in the way y0u kiss y0ur grandparents. hard t0 explain. y0u sh0uld kn0w.

:: let her h0ld y0ur hand and play with y0ur arm every chance she gets

:: y0u d0n't have t0 c0nstantly tell her y0u l0ve her. say it when y0u truly mean it.

:: respect her

:: d0n't make her jeal0us

:: just because 0ne act made her really happy means y0u can d0 it 0ver and 0ver again. twice 0r thrice is pr0bably ok, but always.. nah.. definitely n0t. c0nstantly find ways t0 surprise her.. even in the littlest 0f ways...

:: hug her fr0m behind

:: never ever take her f0r granted

:: call back when she hangs up.. run after her when she walks 0ut 0r DCs unexpectedly

:: when s0mething's wr0ng, d0n't expect her t0 blurt it 0ut. she expects y0u t0 figure 0ut what's b0thering her and n0t just keep 0n asking. if y0u're really clueless ab0ut it, just wait, she'll expl0de and tell y0u anyway. hehe.

:: when she says there's n0thing wr0ng but acts like there is, it's pr0bably YOU wh0's b0thering her. haha!

:: kn0w the difference between her usual silence and her "c0ld silence"

:: let her cry. d0n't walk away when she d0es specially when y0u're the reas0n f0r her tears. n0 matter h0w much she hates y0u at that m0ment, she wants y0u t0 still be there beside her

:: she's stubb0rn and can be very persistent when she badly wants s0mething.. bear with her while y0u can and exert eff0rt when y0u want the same thing she d0es. but if n0t, snap her back t0 reality and just tell her 0utright.

:: she's the type 0f pers0n wh0 never gives up easily.. she's willing t0 endure anything f0r as l0ng as she kn0ws it's w0rth it. but this d0esn't mean she'd be able t0 hang 0n f0rever.. keep in mind that pe0ple get tired.. eventually.

:: d0n't change. she fell f0r y0u f0r wh0ever 0r whatever y0u are at that time, try t0 keep it that way. if y0u can't help it, just make sure it's f0r the better.

:: all0w her t0 gr0w individually as a pers0n in the same way she'll give y0u time and space t0 gr0w individually as well.. and then gr0w t0gether.

*whew*

is that t0o much t0 ask? hehe

...

You, by the light

Is the greatest find
In a world full of wrong
You're the thing that's right

Finally made it through the lonely
To the other side

You set it again, my heart's in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
I'm at the edge of my emotions
Watching the shadows burning in the dark

And I'm in love
And I'm terrified
For the first time and the last time
In my only life

And this could be good
It's already better than that
And nothing's worse
Than knowing you're holding back

I could be all that you need
If you let me try

You set it again, my heart's in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
I'm at the edge of my emotions
Watching the shadows burning in the dark

And I'm in love
And I'm terrified
For the first time and the last time
In my only

I only said it 'cause I mean it
I only mean 'cause it's true
So don't you doubt what I've been dreaming
'Cause it fills me up and holds me close whenever I'm without you

You set it again, my heart's in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
I'm at the edge of my emotions
Watching the shadows burning in the dark

And I'm in love
And I'm terrified
For the first time and the last time
In my only...

sometimes no matter how much you want to go all out or believe something is true, you hold back because time and experience has taught you that things aren't always what they seem. people come up with all sorts of games for which anyone can be a player.. some are wise enough to recognize the game thus allowing them to come up with a good game plan while others are too naive to even realize they're part of it until someone shouts GAME OVER.

bew!tching gurl ©

BLANK SLATE

i don't have any work to think about nor do i have any important thoughts to ponder on. i have free time.

i'm supposed to finish my blog about bali but for the longest time now, that post has been in draft stage as i don't have any idea what to write next.

what i do have now though, are some random truths about me, that (for whatever reason), i seem not to mind sharing.

i love to read. i used to like those mushy romantic novels but now i can go for any genre as long as i know it's worth spending my money and time on. i love to read but lately i've been quite lazy to do so, much less scout for new, interesting books. booo!

i'm a lyrics person and i find it weird how some people can just listen to songs without really understanding what they mean. peyton sawyer once said that she believes things will find you when you need them to find you. and for her it's usually song lyrics. same goes for me.

i am vain but i have tons of insecurities. should there be a but there? or is it because i'm vain that i have insecurities? whatever. i am vain and i have insecurities.

i am very particular about bathrooms. i am ok to sleep in a not so nice room as long as the bathroom passes my "standards".

i find it hard saying NO.

i got drunk-wasted once and i swore never to do that again.

i am flattered knowing there's quite a few people who actually reads my blog. thank you! :)

peas, beans, and gelatin are few of the things i don't eat.

when i am mad, i keep quiet most of the time. if you're the reason why i'm pissed, i expect you to figure out why without me telling you.

i like guys whom i can have fun and intelligent conversations with.

watching a movie alone and travelling alone are things i have yet to do.

i have the tendency to rush into things.

the cliche "what you don't know won't hurt you" isn't something that actually works for me.i always want to know. i ask questions with obvious answers and i won't be satisfied until i get it from the person i want to hear it from. getting the answers does not guarantee i'd shut up already, i could ask again.

i am bold enough to ask somebody i like, out. ha ha!

i am nervous about starting over in a new company.

i am not as smart as people think i am. really.

i get too attached to people, places, and things.

i have made stupid decisions and spontaneous mistakes.

i once was the "other woman". i know how it feels to wait for one's available time; how to suppress my demands because i wasn't sure if i had any right to; how to be denied; how to always be an option but never the choice; and i certainly know what fleeting means.

i am still redeeming myself after i have sunk so low in my life.

i've been smiling silly quite often, lately.

there's a number of reasons why i should be happy but i can't seem to allow myself to drown in such euphoria just yet. because truth is, i feel like someone's going to burst my bubble any minute now.

i am ready to start on a blank slate now, are you?

NOW PLAYING

Close the door
I feel a breeze hold me please
I hate to be alone
It's a cold night, turn off the light
Come take my hand and...

Listen
to these things I have to say
please understand
she left me, all alone again

Clear the room
Of every memory
I don't want that song back on
It's an endless maze
Take away this haze
Please mend my heart and...

Listen
to these things I have to say
please understand
she left me, all alone again

Listen
to these things I have to say
please understand
she left me, all alone again

Turn away
Don't want you to see me cry
I just want things the way they were
It's so hard to say goodbye
Wipe my tears and...

Listen
to these things I have to say
please understand
she left me, all alone again

This I ask of you
Please stay with me
Until she comes back

-=Listen by Stonefree=-

Out of Scope

as many of you might have heard, i have left Scope International after working there for 2.5 years. it was an impulsive move on my part. i made my decision while i was at the peak of my emotions. thus, second thoughts were inevitable. but in the end, i knew had to be firm - it's a GO for me.

i might have left for the wrong reasons but i don't have any regrets. it's a big risk for me but i know that whatever happens, a better version of me will always arise. i'll make sure of that.

i'll tell you one thing, though - comfort zones aren't always the best place to stay at. i know that now.

*** click on the images to enlarge them ***

EVERYTHING BALINESE

wikipedia describes it as an Indonesian island located in the westernmost end of the Lesser Sunda Islands, lying between Java to the west and Lombok to the east. It is one of the country's 33 provinces with the provincial capital at Denpasar towards the south of the island.

some people say it's a paradise; for some it's the most beautiful island; still others say it's simply relaxing, an ideal place to unwind.

me? i say.. "i found my happy place". :)

you see, bali has always been in my must-go-to-places list, so despite the uncertainty on where i'd be during the travel date (we booked our flight almost a year ago), i did not hesitate to go for the trip. hello?! this is bali we're talking about.

and during our 5-day stay there, you would have expected me to atleast learn something balinese - history, culture, food, people, whatnot. hmmm.. bali is wonderful. period. hehe! because apart from the bits and pieces i picked from reading the book EAT, PRAY, LOVE, i cannot share with you much facts about the place. i'd leave it to google to do that. what i can tell you though are some of the reasons why bali is, well, as i've said, wonderful...

:: SOJOURNERS

eating lunch with a bunch of stitch-es (read: alien-speaking, chinky-eyed creatures) is bearable, but spending 7 days with them? it's total torture! haha! well, that's what other people would say, but not me. i have grown used to being surrounded by them that it didn't bother me a wee bit that i'm going to spend one of my dream trips with them. despite being the "lilo"of the trip, i was never left out. on the contrary, i got special attention from them; so special that they always gave me more rice and noticed how i don't eat my veggies and never finished my drinks. ha ha!

we each had our own reasons for looking forward to this trip, but our common denominator? - WE ALL NEEDED A BREAK.

chin yuen and mei kee a.k.a the couple

~ what better place to spend quality time together than bali? they're one of the nicest couple i know and they certainly deserve such time off. i hope though that the sudden change in room arrangements didn't spoil their QT. they still had chance to make kuchi-kuchi, anyway. ha ha!

chen siang a.k.a aw aw slash photographer slash genuine authorized dealer slash loser

~ it's his second time in bali but he didn't mind going to almost the same places he's been to, he just wanted to take more photos. and take photos, he did. he also brought a book for him to read but i think he was only able to read (more or less) 10 pages because he was busy losing in our game of cards. LOL.

kian ming a.k.a THE photographer

~ the best thing about having a good photographer like kian ming around is that you don't have to worry about not having a decent shot of yourself, the food you eat, or the beauty and madness that surrounds you. he took a shot of almost everything there is and if you ask me to describe his work, i would simply put it this way: "kian ming captured the best of bali". see for yourself, visit http://ah-ming86.blogspot.com/

CK a.k.a camwhore slash party animal

~ ck also loved taking pictures... of himself. hehehe! he's ready to strike a pose for you when and how you want him to. he's a certified camwhore who was also eager to have a taste of the balinese night life. ck lead us to the dance floor where we each saw a different side of one another, and thus brings me to my next point on why i like bali...

:: LICENSE TO BE WILD

and by wild i just mean doing something we don't often see each other do like dancing ~ CRAZY-WITHOUT A CARE IN THE WORLD-SO WHAT, WE'RE IN BALI-NOBODY KNOWS US kind of dancing. who would have thought that a somewhat serious guy like aw aw has got moves that could make you lose your respect on him? ha ha! i'm kidding about the losing your respect part but he sure can dance and so does kian ming and ck - they were stitch-es on the loose. :D

by wild, i also mean experimenting on vices, JUST.FOR.FUN.

:: bali = beach

when you go to bali, you shouldn't miss out on the beach. it's the perfect place for flaunting, boy/girl watching (or hunting.. haha!), and of course, water sports.

:: natural high

i have always loved sunsets. it is for me, the best rhythm of nature. so what better place to capture such high than in bali, right?

...

after having kept this post in draft for a very long time, i honestly don't know how to end it or whether there's something else i have not put into writing. but just to get it over and done with, i'd just say, i don't mind going to bali again.

TALKING TEE

HAIR DAY! HAIR DAY!

G0d gave me hair f0r a number 0f reas0ns:

1. t0 gr0w it l0ng en0ugh t0 make pe0ple believe that i'm actually a girl.. ha ha!

2. t0 have a reas0n t0 wake up early every m0rning

3. t0 have such thing as "bad hair days" (which happens m0st 0f the time if i d0n't d0 #2)

4. t0 have s0mething t0 talk ab0ut with friends

5. t0 add t0 my expenses *d0ink!*

6. t0 have means 0f expressing ï'm pissed", ï'm depressed", ï'm happy" 0r simply b0red

and m0st imp0rtantly,

7. t0 remind me that there's h0pe in [alm0st] everything; that things can get better.. bc0z n0 matter h0w sh0rt y0u cut it 0r h0w badly a new hairstyle turns 0ut, it will still gr0w

NUMBERS

:: 2029 mails in my inb0x

:: 16 drafts

:: 2 0f which are addressed t0 y0u

:: 571 friends in faceb0ok

:: 572 if it still included y0u

:: 62 are 0nline

:: 27 are idle

:: 38 days til 0ur bali trip

:: 26 years 0f existence

:: 19/05/2010 4:10:56 last seen 0nline

:: 3 m0vie nights in a r0w

:: 8 t0 14 - students' age range

:: 6 days and c0unting

:: 3969 - chasing cars

:: 1:23 AM

:: f0r 1 m0re day

TREE, LEAF, WIND

Tree
_____________

People call me "Tree".

I had dated 5 girls when I was in Pre-U. There is one girl who I love alot but never dared to go after. She didn't have a pretty face, goodfigure or an outstanding charm. She was just a very ordinary girl. I liked her. I really liked her. I liked her innocence, her frankness, her intelligence and her fragility. Reason for not going after her was thatI felt somebody so ordinary like her was not a good match for me. I wasalso afraid that after we were together all the feelings would vanish. I was also afraid other's gossip would hurt her.

I felt that if she were my girl, she'd be mine ultimately & I didn'thave to give up everything just for her. The last reason, made heraccompanying me for 3 years. She watched me chase other girls, and I have made her heart cry for 3 years. She was a good actor, and me ademanding director. When I kissed my second girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but smiled & said, "Go on!" before running off.The next day, her eyes were swollen like a walnut. I did not want toknow what caused her to cry. Later that day, I returned from soccertraining to get something & watched her cry in the classroom for an hour or so. My fourth girlfriend did not like her.There was once when both of them quarreled. I know that based on hercharacter she is not the type that will start the quarrel. However, Istill sided my girlfriend. I shouted at her & ignored her feelings and walked off with my girlfriend. The next day, she was laughing & jokingwith me like nothing happened. I know she was hurt but she did not knowdeep down inside I was hurt too.

When I broke up with my fifth girlfriend, I asked her out. Later thatday, I told her I had something to tell her. I told her about my breakup.Coincidentally, she has something to tell me too, about her gettingtogether. I knew who the person was. His pursuit for her had been the talk of the School. I did not show her my heartache, just smiles & best wishes.Once I reached home, I could not breathe. Tears rolled & I broke down. How many times have I seen her cry for the man who did not acknowledge her presence?

During graduation, I read a SMS in my hp. It said, "Leaf's departure isbecause of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay"

Leaf

_______________

People call me Leaf.

During the 3 years of Pre-U, I was on very close terms with a guy asbuddy kind. However, when he had his first girlfriend, I learnt afeeling I never should have learnt - Jealousy. Sourness to the extreme limit. They were only together for 2 months. When they broke up, I hidmy happiness. But after a month, he got together with another girl.

I liked him & I know he liked me. But why won't he pursue me? Since heloves me why he didn't he make the first move? Whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart would hurt. After some time, I began to suspect that this was one-sided love. If he didn't like me, why did he treat me so well? It's beyond what you will normally do for a friend. I know hislikes, his habits.But his feelings towards me I can never figure out. You can't expect mea girl, to ask him. Despite that, I still wanted to be by his side. Care

for him, accompany him, and love him. Hoping that one day, he will come to love me. Because of this, I waited for him. Sometimes, I wondered ifI should continue waiting. The pain, the dilemma accompanied me for 3 years.

At the end of my 3rd year, a junior pursues me. Everyday he pursues me. He's like the cool & gentle wind, trying to blow off a leaf from a tree. In the end, I realized that I wanted to give this wind a small footing in my heart. I know the wind will bring the leaf to a better land. Finally, leaf leftthe tree, but the tree only smiled & didn't ask me to stay.

Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or cause Tree didn't ask her to stay.

Wind

________________

Because I like a girl called leaf. Because she's so dependent on tree, so I have to be a gust wind. A wind that will blow her away. When I first met her, it was 1 month after I was transferred to this new school. I saw a petite person look ing at my seniors & me playingsoccer. During ECA time, she will always be sitting there. Be it alone or with her friends, looking at him. When he talks with girls, there's jealousy in her eyes. When he looked at her, there's a smile in her eyes. Looking at her became my habit. Just like, she likes to look at him.

One day, she didn't appear. I felt something missing. I can't explain the feeling except it's a kind of uneasiness. The senior was also not there as well. I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior scolding her. Tears were in her eyes while he left. The next day, I saw her at her usual place, looking at him. I walked over and smiled to her. Took out a note & gave to her. She was surprised. She looked at me, smiled & accepts the note. The next day, she appeared & passes me a note and left.

It read, "Leaf's heart is too heavy and wind couldn't blow her away."

"It's not that leaf heart is too heavy. It because leaf never want to leave tree." I replied her note with this statement and slowly she started to talk to me & accept my presents & phone calls. I know that the person she loves is not me. But I have this perseverance that one day I will make her like me. Within 4 months, I have declared my love for her no less than 20 times. Every time, she will divert away from the topic. But I never give up. If I decide I want her to be mine, I will definitely use all means to win her over. I can't remember how many times I have declared my love to

her. Although I know, she will try to divert but I still bear a small ray of hope.

Hoping that she will agree to be my girlfriend. I didn't hear any reply from her over the phone. I asked, "What are you doing? How come you didn't want to reply?" She said, "I'm nodding my head". "Ah?" I couldn't believe my ears. "I'm nodding my head" She replied loudly. I hang up the phone, quickly changed and took a taxi and rush to her place & press her doorbell. During the moment when she opens the door, I hugged her tightly.

Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay...

-Author Unkn0wn

N THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU

i hate the way y0u talk t0 me
and the way y0u've styled y0ur hair

i hate the way y0u drive y0ur car
i hate it when y0u pretend t0 care

i hate the way y0u read my mind
and h0w i can never read y0urs

i hate the way y0u're always right,
i hate it when y0u lie

i hate y0u s0 much it makes me sick,
it even makes me rhyme

i hate the way y0u always tell me what t0 d0
h0w many times d0 i have t0 say that i am n0t like y0u

i hate it when y0u always tell me y0u've g0t n0thing t0 say everytime i p0ur my heart 0ut and h0w y0u never even b0thered t0 clear 0ut my d0ubts

i hate h0w y0u can get things d0ne as l0ng as y0u set y0ur mind t0 it
and the way y0u plan everything but never made me part 0f any 0f it..

...except h0w l0ng y0u were g0ing t0 keep me and h0w y0u'd simply let things be

i hate h0w my time st0pped every time i was with y0u
while y0urs always went "tick t0ck tick t0ck, time's up! i have t0 g0, c u!"

i hate the way "as always", "we'll see", and "..." was part 0f the s0-called US
and h0w despite all these i still miss h0w everything was

i hate the way y0u make me laugh
even worse when y0u make me cry

i hate it when y0u're n0t ar0und
and the fact that y0u didn't call

but m0stly, i hate the way i d0n't hate y0u,
n0t even cl0se, n0t even a little bit, n0t even at all

[based fr0m the m0vie 10 things i hate ab0ut y0u]

NOW PLAYING

As Long As It Matters
by Gin Blossoms

How can I find something
That two can take
Without stumbling as we
Walk into our future's wake
I'm like a broken record
That you can play
Repeating as if it matters
Everything I want to say
I'll be all right
As long as it matters
As long as you're here with me now
Forget that time
It's nothing we touch and see
All this is fine
Even as it crashes down on me
I'm looking around
There's nothing that I could want
More than to tell you
There's no more than we've already got
I'll be all right
As long as it matters
As long as you're here with me now...
Forget that our time is almost up I'll be all right...

LILO & STITCH-es

last friday, i had lunch with a bunch 0f male ALIENS - yes, even th0ugh i was the 0nly female in the gr0up and the 0nly n0n-chinese speaking as well, i still refuse t0 be branded as THE ALIEN. haha!

i kn0w s0me pe0ple w0nder why i hang 0ut with them. s0me might even think i'm trying hard t0 fit in 0r squeeze myself where i d0n't bel0ng. 0r why can't i just stick t0 my 0wn cr0wd. etc, etc.

t0 be quite h0nest, i d0 w0rry ab0ut what pe0ple think 0f me. but then again, n0 matter what i d0, pe0ple will always have an opini0n ab0ut it. s0 i'm thinking, why d0n't i just let them d0 the thinking and the talking and let myself just be ME, right? right.

and y0ur next questi0n w0uld be, "where's the fun in all that when y0u can't even take part in m0st 0f the c0nversati0n, much less understand them?" actually, that's the fun right there - n0t having t0 talk much, n0t kn0wing, n0t understanding.. that way y0u get t0 just sit there and listen and 0bserve and make up c0nversati0ns in y0ur mind the way y0u want them t0 be.

INSTRUCTIONS FOR FREEDOM

1. life's metaph0rs are G0d's instructi0ns.

2. y0u have just climbed up and ab0ve the r0of. there is n0thing between y0u and the Infinite. n0w, LET GO.

3. the day is ending. it's time f0r s0mething that was beautiful t0 turn int0 s0mething else that is beautiful. n0w, LET GO.

4. y0ur wish f0r res0luti0n was a prayer. y0ur being here is G0d's resp0nse. LET GO and watch the stars c0me 0ut - 0n the 0utside and 0n the inside.

5. with all y0ur heart, ask f0r grace, and LET GO.

6. with all y0ur heart, f0rgive him, FORGIVE YOURSELF; and LET him GO.

7. let y0ur intenti0n be freed0m fr0m useless suffering. then, LET GO.

8. watch the heat 0f day pass int0 the c0ol night. LET GO.

9. when the karma 0f a relati0nship is d0ne, 0nly l0ve reamins. it's safe. LET GO.

10. when the past has passed fr0m y0u at last, LET GO. then climb d0wn and begin the rest 0f y0ur life. with great j0y.

- Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

MOANING MYRTLE

30 excruciating minutes m0re t0 g0.

f0r m0st 0f the entire time here in 0ffice, i've d0ne n0thing but stare blankly at my computer screen, check out the time every n0w and then, and silently wish i was in my bedr0om curled up under the c0vers or watching HIMYM.

despite the fact that i have t0ns t0 d0, i just d0n't have the m0od t0 w0rk right n0w. f0r whatever reas0ns. i pr0mised myself that i'd w0rk 0n th0se stuff t0m0rr0w. h0pefully.

the 0ffice is just t0o quiet. m0st pe0ple, including b0sses (*luckily*) are still on their CNY leave. there's n0 0ne t0 talk t0, n0thing t0 distract myself with, n0t even any0ne ann0ying t0 snap at. darn.

it's a g0od thing that i can still access bl0gsp0t here in 0ffice thus all0wing me t0 share with y0u, my readers (if there are any), the highlight 0f my supp0sed t0 be w0rking day.

i cried.

f0r the nth time since he and me started then ended then started then ended then started.. (h0w many cycles was that?) then finally, truly ended, i walked with my head d0wn t0wards the t0ilet t0 let 0ut that muffled cry i've been struggling t0 c0ntr0l but t0 n0 avail.

i l0ck myself in 0ne 0f the cubicles that has apparently turned 0ut t0 be my refuge lately and just let th0se tears fall.

P A T H E T I C.